if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Life is so much better after having sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
