There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
