The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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