Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
