I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have aggressive nipples.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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