Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so much tequila, so little girl.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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