you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
