I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
