All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
