yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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