I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
