awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
