Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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