what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
