I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
