I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
