the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
