shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
