literally had 100 drinks last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
