I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
