I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize