A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
