I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
