We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
