Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need mimosas to revive my soul
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
