Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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