Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
