Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
