4 words: hood of his car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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