I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I could make wine with my vomit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
