i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
