Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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