you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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