I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
