Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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