TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
