No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize