I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize