OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my liver is dry heaving
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
