My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
