He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
