and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
