Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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