How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
