I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
