she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I love black thongs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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