You can't special order awesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
