My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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