The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
