Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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