I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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