Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
