All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He passed out mid-signature
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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