I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just had sex on a roof
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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