erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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