this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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