first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize