we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
