how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize