one two three fourrrrnication!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
