i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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