I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
