I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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