We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
