My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
