I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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