she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
