I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
