oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Of course I have a pirate flag
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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