Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
