my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
