Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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