i think i have two assholes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
