I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
