why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize