i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
