mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
