you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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