Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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