my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
