i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
