shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize