Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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