Apparently you make a good broom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
