FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
