I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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