eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
