You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
