She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
