So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
