By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
