It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
