Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
