Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize