well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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