Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
