look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
