it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
