I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
