So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
