Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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