so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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