Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
