those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
