I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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