I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
