Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
