If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
