He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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