Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
