K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
