I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
