I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
