Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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