her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
