I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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